?

Log in

Cody Handsome's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Cody Handsome

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[17 Feb 2008|11:56pm]
2356 hrs

I had a crush on a girl...fuck that.

In the words of Nikki Sixx..."CHICKS = TROUBLE"




true story
be destroyed by music

[11 Feb 2008|09:56pm]
2156 hrs.

sometimes the touch of a woman is the finest pleasure in life. sometimes its the most painful.

trusting people is a big issue for me
getting too wrapped up in a person too soon is a big issue for me
trusting people is a big issue for me
forgiving people is a big issue for me
creating fake scenarios in my head is a big issue for me
trusting people is a big issue for me
these are the main catalysts in my failed relationships

getting bored in relationships is a big reason why they fail
lack of trust in relationships is a big reason why they fail
assumptions in relationships are a big reason why they fail
imperfections in relationships are a big reason why they fail
not just in intimate relationships...in almost all

if im interested in someone, i hate knowing their past because it eats at me
i dont know why and i dont know how to stop it
the thoughts and the pictures constantly flash through my head
i get sick to my stomach
i cant look at them the same

three columns on how my head fucked up all my relationships
three columns on why i shouldn't get involved
three columns on how i break hearts
three columns on why i'm single




...true story
be destroyed by music

[27 Dec 2007|11:17pm]
2317 hrs.

i have no complaints with life right now. something in my head i believe still does not click right and i get these where confidence drops which leds to motivation dropping. i dont want to be around people or hear them talk when im like that but at the time i want someone there. its just one of those things where i tell myself "bite your lip, youll get through it, it will pass." and it does.

im kicking off the new year in a differnt state and kicking a 12 hour car ride. what better to do it?

i straightened up and got a little more responsible recently and stopped partying all the time...especially on work nights. i decided i needed to when i was really late 3 days in one week and one day they told me not to even bother coming in because i didnt wake up until an hour after i was supposed to be there. last week though i went out on a thursday night and had a blast. it was a good change of pace. i sound old

im digging this kelly clarkson song "chivas" right now. and her song "irvine"

true story
2 had the honor to be destroyed by music

[09 Dec 2007|06:41pm]
1841 hrs.

you're really cocky but i don't see any justification for it

true story
be destroyed by music

[21 Nov 2007|06:12pm]
1812 hrs.

this guy once told me to never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

neko case and leslie hardy. would ask

true story.

music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
be destroyed by music

[13 Nov 2007|06:18pm]
1818 hrs.

i know that you have insecurities. do you think that sleeping with every guy that will pull his dick out will make them like you? no, it will make them disrespect you. you will be the story they tell their friends while they're drinking beers and grabbing their dicks. i respect a girl more who doesn't sleep with a guy the first night she meets him. (note: as to not piss anyone off, i am not talking about anyone in particular but just in general terms)

i have met more girls who like body hair over clean shaven. i have met way too many girls who are really into facial hair. apparently girls want a man instead of a 10 year old boy.

true story.




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[09 Oct 2007|10:55pm]
2255 hrs

i like this change back to a more structured and routine life. gives me something to look forward to each day.

ive been incredibly busy lately. something is always happening. sometimes i feel too busy and think that i want a day to just rest and spend time with myself but when that usually comes around i dont want to sit at home doing nothing.

the hiking trip was great. nice and peaceful, loads of fun, swimming, cliff jumping, fresh air. it was good to get away.

as it is now, ill be going out of town this month and next and i like that.

i used to think that some people lived in thier own little world but really we all do and some people's just differ from our own more so than others.

if your life sucks its your own fault.
be destroyed by music

[13 Sep 2007|12:44am]
0044 hrs.

i feel good about myself.

time for bed. let's not be late for work again tomorrow, cody.

weapon of choice: zzzzzzzz




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[07 Sep 2007|03:12am]
0312 hrs.

Rod is no longer. i retired from my night occupation. it was fun for that year and there will be aspects that i will miss and who knows, maybe somewhere down the line ill make a comeback like so many of the others do. my one regret the one thing i would've done differntly is to have been smart with my money and save it like i should have. but hey, i had a fucking blast like i could've never had any other way and i definitely took full advantage of life.

its funny that it wasnt until the closing days of my career that i started getting back into shape.

there is something ive been wanting to do for a little while now and now that ive really been wanting to buckle down and get serious on doing it and pursuing it...an opportunity falls in my lap. its possible that it doesnt work out so im not getting hopes up but i want it to.

weapon of choice: the getup kids




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[23 Aug 2007|03:58am]
0358 hrs.

first night this week working the night life. tomorrow is a repeat. lets see how i hold up come friday or saturday.

tonight was the best night ive had the past two weeks. thankfully. im happy with what i walked with. my time there is winding down so im just aiming at making as much as i can so i can speed up getting out of debt and getting my finances straightened back out. basically im trying to fix the mistakes i made. once im out this predicament i might look into moving back towards canton...since thats where im working and doing the majority of my hanging out again. or atleast get somewhere closer to 575. from the house to 575 or the morning and back in the evening it takes me 20-30 minutes where it should be half that.

im applying for school and am aimed to start in the spring. core classes at ksu then to gsu for the major. my sat was way above whats needed, as well as my gpa and i qualify for hope so i really have no reason not to.

house sitting for mike for a week starting this weekend. so i will be living in canton...but temporarily.

weapon of choice: the snake the cross the crown




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[01 Aug 2007|03:33am]
0333 hrs.

quickly now:

-started a new job...a real one. business is slow so its semi-boring and i hate trying to find pointless shit to keep me occupied. and its even worse if i am pulling one of my infamous "running on little sleep and there far required to stay in constant motion in order to keep from crashing out" days. so long as things pick up i think ill like the job (atleast until i do the typical get tired of it stunt and want a different one). i get benefits and its a corporation so it has those perk days of free food and events and the option of promotion.

-tonight was the first attempt at working two jobs. day and night. it was the trail process. how i feel tomorrow decides if i repeat. i need the money badly...i dont get paid til the 15th.

-gone. waking up at 0630 hours. welcome back to last summer. working a day job feels good. its nice waking up and doing things during the day. waiting for pay is a good and necessary change too so that i can get back on track of money management.

-The Hold Steady fucking rocks.

weapon of choice: STD




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[27 Jun 2007|04:32am]
0432 hrs.

im working again which means that being awake at odd hours is back in operation. im going to discipline myself this time though, 0500 hrs and im hitting the sack. so i have 30 min to do anything that i was wanting to do before bed. i just dont want to see the sun come up alone. if im with some people and shits going on til the sun peeks im down...otherwise its just kinda like, "ugh, the suns coming up." but sunrises are beautiful.

ive been keeping myself very occupied in free-cheap manors to assure that i stick to my financial plan. so far so good.

some things i want to do: take piano lessons (after life is more settled in and im back on track), pick back up my damn guitar and actually start practicing again and hopefully get back to where i was and going farther would be divine. if i accomplish the said, forming a rock n' roll band would be in my head. a true rock n' roll band, that roots type shit. hell, i might even would give country a shot...real country, honky tonk type shit. damn maybe i can make this a reality and youd see me playing in biker bars and real hairy type places where the smoke is so thick you could cut it with a knife or better yet would be having to play behind chicken wire for safety reasons like in blues brothers (which i need to watch again if anyone is an owner of it).

i think the rock n' roll thoughts are resurfacing because ive gotten into that kind of shit recently. ive been listening to a fair amount of Jet and the Kinks and a little Strokes and that type of shit. a couple of surf rock bands a miami friend turned me on to. before this i had gotten on this british band kick and just looked up a bunch of brit rock bands.

i fear mean girls is on the downhill and everyone is just pretty much watching it happen whether they admit to it or not and im curious as to whether or not anyone will try to save it or be even willing to put out the effort to save it. everyone wants big things to happen and really wants to get a record out but no writing is being done like it should and everyone puts the band either second or third without any concern of doing so. the shows took a dramatic turn, especially when compared to last summer, and its because the show gets old. if you saw the original line up back in the day and came to a show now youd only hear less than a hand full of new songs and those songs are old news now. i know that i dont put out the effort i used to and ill say that flat out but it feels so pointless to be promoting as hard as i used to for a band thats in a stalemate. all this kind of saddens me. mean girls experiences are some of best and most fond and im not sure how i would be able to let that go...especially if it was due to these circumstances, if it just fizzled out.

heres the pictures i promised:
Part 1Collapse )

weapon of choice: Heavens




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
2 had the honor to be destroyed by music

[24 Jun 2007|10:45pm]
2245 hrs.

i completed my trip and it was successful. a couple of times i kind of worried but then things would shape up. im broke as hell right now so any going out for me is out of the question unless i go and spend no money. i need to do really well at getting some money. first priority is bill pay, then comes getting my tag, then i need to get whats needed to pay off the credit card (i put all my gas on there to make things easier on me), then im going to rebuild my savings to what it used to be so that i wont stress that i wont have personal money after bills or be fucked if something happens.

i got out of shape while i was gone. tomorrow marks the start of me getting my eating habits shaped back up and back in order and maybe even adding some temporary restrictions. im going to get back into an exercise routine tomorrow also. im not going over board with it and turning it into my life, because i just dont enjoy doing that kind of thing, but i want to shape back up.

done with that run-on. the trip was amazing. everything i couldve hoped for and now after having done it, i know i wouldve regretted not doing it. one of the finest moments was in West Palm; i was sitting on the patio of this bar, drinking a margarita, looking out on the water across the street, suns out in full, cool breeze blowing through...and all i could think was "life is good." the trip was one of the best experiences of my life. it also confirmed my thought that i dont want to live anywhere other than here for longer than a month. once the trip started nearing the end i was ready to come home. i dont think the atlanta skyline has ever looked so wonderful to me until i was driving up the interstate and saw it getting closer and closer to me.

pictures come out soon. but in shifts because theres nearly 400.

weapon of choice: brand new




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[03 May 2007|05:28am]
0528 hrs.

guess what...another late night.

crucial steps are as follows:
1. you must fully want to change things
2. you must identify what needs to change and accept it
3. you must give your all and not give up or accept failure
4. you must be happy and 100% behind your decision
5. last but certainly not least, dont be a dumbass and fuck things up by doing moronic things and/or taking things for granted

now that you know and understand the process, you need to thoroughly think things through and ask yourself and double-check and triple-check that this is whats right for you, that its what you want, thats its a good move, that you have what takes to do this, that you are willing and want to do this. if you answer yes to these questions after having giving them the full and thorough evaluation then you have to do what is required of you and you have to discipline yourself to do it the right way and not repeat mistakes you may have made in the past. one of the biggest things is that you MUST have recognized the wrong things you did and have learned from your mistakes and are willing to put forth the effort to keep yourself from repeating them. DO NOT make rash decisions or operate on impulse.

weapon of choice: alkaline trio




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
1 had the honor to be destroyed by music

[27 Apr 2007|05:19am]
0519 hrs.

im starting to dislike being awake at these hours a little less than i used to. maybe it just got old? but also i hate missing parts of the day...especially now that i have shit to do during the day.

rained out of work...again. second time this week and both times it was the same stunt. it starts raining, picks up enough for me to go in, i wait it out and it does stop, almost get back to work and here comes some more rain, say "fuck it" and take a shower...then the sun comes out. dumb ass weather, ive seen girls that have it together more than GA's weather does.

florida trip creeping closer. funds are slowly getting there. i think ill make it but i really wish/need it to get there quicker than the current pace. now that things in my life are kinda getting less busy i'm going to work more days and this landscaping stuff im doing on the side will help out as well. i really want to put a sign out in front of mom's and see if i couldnt manage to land a job before i go...that would be beyond helpful and it would be healthy for me. ive been feeling great from this physical labor, even if it does tire me out some days. its been a good workout as well. i got better results than when i was hitting the gym semi-regularly...and im getting my tan back. the tan is mainly on my arms and back and everything else is still kinda white (well that one knee is tan from the hole in my pants) but i can catch that up easily.

when i started my "kinda sorta a diet but its really just me eating healthier" diet i got discouraged for a bit because the results werent coming quick enough, and thats usually where i break the routine, but since ive been sticking it out im feeling better and have almost regained everything i lost.

a myspace survey bulletin question made me laugh when i though of my answer: How many proms have you gone to? 6 (one as a chauffeur and one as the entertainment but the rest as dates and only one was my prom and two were while i was in high school).
2001 - deanne's date for senior prom but i was a sophomore
2003 - my senior year with kati
2005 - kati's date for senior prom in NC
2006 - rachel's date for senior prom in NC
2006 - little sam's junior year as his chauffeur
2007 - Cherokee's prom with Mean Girls as a live band (which is most likely makes us the first in chs history...and ive actually never heard of a high school that had a band at prom, outside of tv though of course)

on facebook, i almost want my quotes to be all quotes ive said to myself and thought about how i wished someone had rather said it to me so that i could be quoting it. it goes hand in hand with how i sometimes wish i was someone else but friends with me so that then i could be on the receiving end of some of the messages and voice mails and late night phone calls i give out or so i could be a spectator of my actions.

i get soooooo damned confused sometimes. and soooo damn disappointed with myself sometimes. and soooooo damned upset with myself sometimes. and sooooo damned resentful of myself sometimes. but sometimes i am soooo pleased with myself and the things ive accomplished and done throughout my life and majority of the characteristics ive shaped myself into having.

i see myself as an over all good person even though i do make some bad decisions and despite how it may appear to onlookers i always have the best intentions and i know that i do and did whether or not i may have accomplished that and/or gotten it across to the other person involved. and honestly, so long as my intentions really were for the best and were selfless and I know that...thats all that matters and the others can kiss my ass. but i am proud of myself and like myself and knowing other people think the same way and tell me that and even knowing that there are some people out there who look up to me and respect despite the bad rep i may have and the rumors that have and still circulate about makes me feel better and reassured on my feelings about myself. i view myself as having a good heart and a good personality and enough intelligence to survive in life and i think those are three damn things are three of the utmost importance.

i ran on with this is an unnecessary degree.

im enjoying the sounds of sarah mclachlan. guilty pleasure.
oh you're a beautiful, a beautiful fucked up man...yeah you're working, building a mystery

and i promise it closes here, i want to sleep.

Love is like a flame
It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts......ooh,ooh love hurts


weapon of choice: sarah, all the way...its beautiful




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[20 Apr 2007|04:07pm]
1607 hrs.

if i was from chicago right now i would say, "bad news bears."

the first time i ever heard that saying was a recite from craig. i was always glad i had never heard that in person, let alone know someone who uses it frequently. but fate betold...now i do.

so far today has been a day for seeing things. i saw a guy pulled over in the median. he was behind his truck talking to the cop, he was shirtless and wearing sandles. afterwards i saw a Hershey's Kisses mobile. it was three big kisses driving down the road. i wish i was the driver.

i want to go swimming. i want to go camping.

odd mood. hope it goes away.

some things dont look good, i hope they turn out the other way though.

there are times where i wish i wasnt how i am and could do things differently. there are times where i feel cursed. maybe its all in my mind and i just cant get around or its my subconscious getting the best of me. or maybe it is a curse or a doomed fate. but i do know that some of the things i fucked up over time i wont be able to fix or regain and when the reality of that sets in, its the heaviest thing i ever carried. some dreams are impossible and unreachable because thats just the reality of it, some dreams are impossible and unreachable because you made them that way. welcome to life. (like i said...odd mood)

She's trying not to see you as her worst mistake
And I wish that I could tell you right now
But it looks like I won't be around
So you won't know...

They say in heaven
There's no husbands and wives
On the day that I show up
They'll be completely out
Of their forgiveness supplies
And I cant use the telephone
To tell you that I'm dead and gone
So you won't know


weapon of choice: brand new (i havnt been able to stop since the show)




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[17 Apr 2007|02:32am]
0232 hrs.

i had something and lost it.

someone said: "i just to be like in high school and just make out with girls, maybe get to second base, but never go farther."

i remember one time that i added some songs to my computer because that if i was in the position to where i was sitting around playing cards and smoking cigars with some dudes, those songs would be what i played. now that i think about that decision...when do i ever do that?

i think if i was to date someone again it would be someone who is my polar opposite and is innocent in all ways. possibly even a virgin. not because i am in any way into corrupting people but i think to actually keep myself in check and possibly straighten myself out. dating someone thats like me or partakes in things i partake in, i could possibly get myself into testy situations, heighten my actions, or go over the deep end. but im interested, at the moment, in slowing down or straightening out so thats going to happen today.

you find in life that people who seem to have it all or focus on quantity...are worse off.

weapon of choice: sleep




loveage,
3.22.85
be destroyed by music

[13 Apr 2007|01:52pm]
1352 hrs.

friday the 13th
ive been listening to brit music since last night
im wearing all black and eyeliner today to celebrate
mean girls in calhoun tonight
my current favorite song:

i always end up the mean girl
or somebody's inbetween girl...
...i leave the party at 3am alone, thank god
with a valium from the bride
its the devil that i love
whats funny is its real love
yes its real and true love


weapon of choice: MCD (for the occassion)




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
1 had the honor to be destroyed by music

[08 Apr 2007|04:56am]
0456 hrs.

proof of my random thought patterns:
driving home tonight i was enjoying the delightful tunes of The Smiths when i developed this connection/theory (not the word i wanted but its what came to mind)/insight. Pretty Girls Make Graves got thier name from a Smiths song and now they have a direct link to The Smiths as so: PGMG bassist Derek Fudesco was in The Murder City Devils with Dan Gallucci who was also in Modest Mouse who added Johnny Marr as a member who played guitar for The Smiths.

oh what late night drives from Atlanta can do to a person. and i hate using capital letters and having to put that damned "shift" key into function.

so far the road to reaching my goal is going well. this week is looking easy on the wallet as well.

calendar (subject to change):
monday - yard work, tuesday - finish yard work if not done already; work at night, wednesday - work or MJQ, thursday - work, friday - show in calhoun, saturday - work if previous nights were not satisfactory and/or no better plans

as this project closes in on finished and as ive been watching it take shape...i realize that ive still got it. not to boast, but it looks good. ill stick up before and after pictures when its done.

i hate when i say im not going to do something but end up doing it anyway. its not lack of control or lack of will power, its more of "whatever" instance. what about you, do you it?

this month im attending Brand New, next month im attending Modest Mouse, i want to attend cursive and against me! but ill be in florida then and thier orlando date just wont work with my schedule and being on tight funds down there its a wiser decision not to, im considering attending saves the day and say anything but seriously debating because in my past experiences neither band is very good live.

every pool of water reminds me of you

weapon of choice: saves the day




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

[06 Apr 2007|03:44am]
0344 hrs.

keith was qouted as saying, ""I've no pretensions about immortality - I'm the same as everyone else - same as you, same as everybody." but i still believe that immortality can be accomplished and he is "living" proof...along with mick. keith richards told that the craziest thing he ever snorted was some of his father's ashes by mixing it up with blow. but now its out that he was just bullshitting. i can see both as believeable. i can see him making it up to get a rise out of someone (and its also something that i could see myself telling someone for the hell of it and the sheer fact that id think it was funny) but i could also believe that he did do it and the present denials are cover up attempt to save the some what of an image he has and maybe entice people to think he is actually NOT crazy.

somethings, when they are said to you or when they arise into the memory...hurt. somethings that you find out and its then you realize is the polar opposite of what you thought or assumed...hurt. some nights are lonely.

this week ive been doing yard work during daylight hours, starting in the am, and working my job during the night. its extreme wear on the body but it feels damn good to be doing this again. the work as been tough but it feels better than hitting the gym. between sticking to eating better and the physical labor and the sweat output, my body is shaping back up and my physical condition is increasing. it makes me feel better physically and being outside being productive makes me feel better about myself because i know im not sitting inside wasting the sun light and im out there accomplishing things...also its been keeping me from blowing money because i lack the free time to wander about during the day and go out to eat or buy something for no good reason. and ive been being fed by mom, which also makes the wallet happy, and you just cannot beat a home cooked meal...especially by such good of cooks as mom and pawpaw.

my miami friends arent coming into town this weekend like i had hoped. an hour into the trip they got into a wreck and the car was totaled. wierd thing is that when i was in miami they got into a wreck and the car was totaled. apparently whenever im involved in thier plans or picture...they get in wrecks. no weekend plans now. part of me wants to go out but part of my wants to take a break or take the opportunity or working in order to step that much closer to my goal for florida.

and ive only got this one wish: that i was good enough to make you forget the only boy who ever broke your heart. because nights like these tear me apart

weapon of choice: indecisive




loveage,
3.22.85
.xoxo.
be destroyed by music

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]